Theres No Place Like Home!

 

‘Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.’ – Bill Cosby

Well guys, I’m at home. I’m a bit late to the party because I’ve actually already been home for over a week now!! But boy does it feel good! It feels great to have my feet on home soil. I didn’t realise how much I missed it, I guess that sayings true, you don’t know what you’ve got until its gone. Its quite daunting really knowing that in just a few weeks I’m going to have to be back in Leicester. As much as I’m looking forward to getting back stuck in, I can’t deny that I’m going to miss home all over again when I leave. I guess I just have to make the most of what I’ve got right?

I have such a lovely extended family in Leicester now, and I love them all to pieces but they are nothing like real family. Just the other day, my nephew was simply playing with his jigsaw and I got very sentimental over the fact that soon I’m not going to know the next time I’m going to be able to sit down and help him. 

I know its silly and irrational really, especially when I know that my plan one day is to move to America, which means moving country let alone changing post code. But in my mind that different because there won’t be the possibility of just popping home for the weekend, the closest I’ll get to home will be Skype calls and when the time comes I’ll settle for that. But for now, I know that there is nothing in the world I would rather do right now than spend some much needed time with my family and everyone at home because I really have missed them all so much. 

What can I say? There really is no place like home! 

Homesickness

Homesickness is like a disease.
Look it up and you’ll see a face like mine,
Broken and unsure,
Alone and at this moment unhappy.
It creeps up on you,
Follows you around.
Only showing its face when you realize,
You have to make tea for yourself,
When you realize you’ve cooked too much pasta for one person,
When you realize that if you want a chat,
You have to hunt for an ear.
Things that were there before,
Aren’t any more.
Things you took for granted,
Are suddenly gone,
And you’re not entirely sure when they’ll come back.
I’d wanted to start this new chapter in my life.
Ever since I could remember,
“What do you wanna be when you grow up?”
I’d never have an answer,
But I knew this is where I wanted to be.
I guess at the time,
I just didn’t quite grasp the concept that,
You can’t take your mum with you,
Or that dad wouldn’t be around to get rid of the spiders anymore.
I was a big girl now,
I had to get rid of that spider myself.
But regardless of that fact that I did,
In that moment there was nothing I wanted to do more,
Than call my dad and have him make fun of me for being so scared.
I miss that,
And I miss them.
More that I thought I would.
I’ve never been one to miss home,
Moving from mum to dads and back,
Had made it easy for me to adapt.
But being somewhere further than just around the corner,
Was starting to kill me.
There were no more ‘I’ll see you tomorrow’,
Or ‘I’ll pick you up at five’,
We’d moved on from that.
Progressed to ‘I’ll see you next month’,
Or ‘Phone me when you wanna come home’,
And although I know they’re still there,
Just a little bit further away than usual,
I still have this gapping hole in my chest.
This black hole that is trying to make me collapse in on myself.
This wound that wont heal,
Until my mum makes me a cup of tea,
Until my brother tells me to shut up,
Until I see my little nephew running towards me with arms open wide,
Until I hear my step mum laugh at something ridiculous I’d done when I was drunk,
Until my dad calls me ‘Lou’.
That’s when I’ll be okay,
When I’ll know that everything’s going to be alright,
That when I’ll know that I’m home. 

So This Is Happening…

“The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who’s going to stop me.” – Ayn Rand.

Its happened! Im just about finishing my fourth week at Uni! There’s been ups and downs, just like I knew there would be, but I don’t care because I’m here. The funny thing about packing up and moving away, is that after a while, you don’t feel like you’ve left anymore. This is my home now. This is where my life is and shall continue to be for the next three years of my life. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve got homesick a few times, of course, everyone does. But theres just something about it that already feels a little like home. 

Its hard too, at times, much harder than I thought it would be. But then again, we’re not kids anymore. We can’t be spoon fed the right information. We have to do it on our own. And I kinda like that. Its like I craved independence and I didn’t even know it! But it’s here, this is happening. Every morning, I still wake up and pinch myself because every day is like the start of the rest my life. This has happened, and I need to be ready for everything thats thrown my way. 

This Is Me Growing Up!

“It is always sad when someone leaves home, unless they are simply going around the corner and will return in a few minutes with ice-cream sandwiches.” – Lemony Snicket.

This time tomorrow, I’m going to be in Leicester, De Montfort University to be precise. 6am tomorrow morning, I’m going to get in the car for the last time, drive down my road for the last time and wave goodbye to my little old town, for the last time.

Which in actual fact is a massive exaggeration, because I will in fact be back at the beginning of December for christmas. But at the moment, that feels like forever away. I’ve always been a homebody, never strayed far on my own, yet in the same breath rather enjoy my own company. The problem I find is that I like to be comfortable, I like knowing where I’m going and knowing people in my town and moving away? This is the first time I’m going to be completely on my own in a place that isn’t just down the road from home.

I think thats going to be he hardest bit, the fact that home is far more than just a car journey around the corner. However, in the same breath, I cannot wait! Ever since I was little, whenever anybody asked me what I was going to do when I was older, my answer would always be that I didn’t know but what I did know was that I was going to go to uni. So big dream coming true! And its coming true tomorrow, which feels unreal, and I feel as though I need to be continually pinching myself to believe it is in fact actually happening!

As much as I am leaving one home behind, I am getting a new home, and a new extended family that I know will worm their way into my life without my realising and probably wont leave for an awfully long time. I’m going to get a new lease of life, after not having much to look forward to in the past, I genuinely cannot wait for this next chapter to start.