The Opening To My Unnamed Unfinished Novel (Caution – Slight Swearing)

He had a plan. This was all part of the plan. At least that’s what he kept telling himself. “It could have been so different” he said, “but you had to go and fuck everything up, because you decided it wasn’t enough anymore, what you had just wasn’t enough.” He almost felt sorry for her. Almost. But as he felt her thrash around as he held her under, he imagined it was her face. That’s why he was doing this. It was all her fault. She deserved this, they all did. They all had what was coming for them. They were stupid to think otherwise, to think they’d get away with it. It couldn’t have been simpler if he’d tried. As if it was fate. The plan was perfect, right place, right time, they wouldn’t suspect him. They had no reason to, no evidence or leads worth a damn. That’s what made it even more perfect. They’d never suspect him; never make the connection, because there was no connection to make. She was putting up a good fight, he hoped the rest of them would too, that’s what was the most pleasing. He could almost hear her willing him to let her go, that it wasn’t what it looked like, that she could change. Bullshit. The same pathetic lies over and over, and because that thought infuriated him further, he tightened the hold on her neck, bringing his fingers tighter around her throat. Digging his nails in until he saw a tint of red in the water. It was amazing how superior he felt over her. Holding her life in his hand, he didn’t understand why people used drugs when you could do this. He’d imagined it would give the same high. All too soon though, as everyone does, he came down from his high as she stilled beneath him. It was easier than he thought, taking a life with his bare hands. He supposed it made it easier that he felt no remorse for the lying bitch limp under him. The next part of the plan was simple, leave a mark. His eyes roamed over the room. It was tidy, too tidy, he’d have to change that before he left. He looked from the body below him to the frame on the wall, his decision made. His elbow quickly made contact with the frame, the glass shattering, falling to the floor. He picked up the largest shard, seeing himself in the reflection and rather admiringly liking what he saw. He walked quickly back to the body and lifted her blouse, it was expensive and it’d be rude to get it dirty. He softly stroked her back, caressing it, smiling to himself, before slowly carving the shard into her skin.


Why I Still Believe In Disney

‘We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we’re curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths’ – Walt Disney.

I have been a Disney fan for as long as I can remember. In fact, my mother often tells me that when I was little I watched my Fantasia video so much I broke it and she had to buy me a new one. I guess I was one of those lucky kids who got to grow up with Disney, from the early 90’s right up until today. One thing I’d like to make clear is that I do not in any way disagree with the fact that Disney has ‘changed’ because it has. Massively so. But then again, doesn’t everything have to change at some point to stay current and appease the people of today. As I’m sure, many people, myself included, would be just as happy if Disney were to release a film tomorrow of very much the same quality of ‘Snow White’ for instance, many would not be and this, I feel, is one of the main reasons Disney may feel perhaps pressured to keep up to date with animation techniques and such.

Walt Disney was a brilliant man in many peoples minds, he was a husband, father, brother, son, but maybe more importantly, a friend to all. Walt truly just wanted to give and give and then give some more. Nothing was ever too much for him, he just wanted to see people happy. And I feel its safe to say he easily succeed. Walt made such a lasting impact on people’s lives and can be seen to still be impacting them to this day. Characters and places he created are still around today – Mickey Mouse for example, is perhaps one of the most well known cartoon characters in the entire world and there is probably not one child that has not either been or wants to go to at least one of the Disney parks!


I’m often hearing of people complaining that Disney films are no longer portraying a ‘significant enough message’. I disagree, while Disney may make movies because they know they will make money, in the same instance they make simply make movies because they have a story to tell and enjoy telling it. Each movie, I feel, has some sort of lesson to teach or some piece of advice, here are just a few of the ones I feel are most important:

  • Meet The Robinsons – ‘Keep Moving Forward’ and don’t be afraid to fail, because only in failing do we truly succeed.
  • Lady and The Tramp – Love can be found in the most unexpected places with the most unexpected people.
  • The Princess and The Frog – You need to work hard to achieve what you want to in life and you need to recognize what truly matters in life, even if it goes against what everyone else thinks.
  • Tangled – Never let someone else limit your life.
  • Dumbo – Everyone has their own special talent that will help the succeed in life.
  • Toy Story – Friends come in all shapes and sizes, true friends are for life and shows the true value of working together.
  • The Black Cauldron – The importance of friendship, loyalty and responsibility.
  • Beauty and The Beast – You should not judge by appearances.

The newer movies have just as much of a message as the older films, all of which are important and significant in their own way. There will always be people out there who will be critical of Disney films because of how they have changed over the years, but I truly feel that things have changed for the better and the morals and values that Walt instilled in the company back in the day are still very much present and that he would be proud of all his company have been over to achieve in the past years and all that they will no doubt achieve in the years to come. People watch Disney movies for a multitude of different reasons, much like people go to the Disney parks for much the same reasons they either just want some easy lighthearted happiness or they truly do believe in the magic whether they be 10, 100 or anything in between. This is why I still believe in Disney, there is so much magic and happiness to be had if only we believe, and Disney helps make that magic happen every single day. And I guess at the end of the day, who wouldn’t want to be apart of that?


Spoken Word That I’ve Yet To Speak Outloud – I Could Be A Poet

I could be a poet, I’d tell myself,
I mean how hard could it be?
Its just rhyming words,
And then, and then,
Note to self, find something to rhyme with ‘words’.

It was while I was trying to be a poet,
That I became well, this,
I’m not sure how it happened,
But I’m pretty glad it did.

Its like I woke up one morning,
And I somehow saw the world anew,
All the colours so bright and shiny,
Blended just so god damn perfectly together.
Like I walked outside,
And somehow I had paintbrushes for hands,
Able to paint the day how I wanted,
With everything in between, no detail too small.

I’d gained this funny little thing we call experience,
And my how the tables turned.

Those two on the bench,
Were two people on a bench no longer,
They were old friends, realizing they wanted each other,
No, needed each other,
Even after all these years.
I could almost taste the revelation in the air.
And with that revelation on the tip of my tongue,
I’d write a poem about love.

That bird there, with the broken wing, trying hopelessly to fly,
Was a metaphor for me.
Trying so damn hard, but not quite there yet,
But he’d get it,
I’d get it.
And once we did,
My lord, we would hold the world in the palm of our hands,
Or wing, if wings had a palm,
But no matter, we’d still be there,
Or here, or where ever we wanted to be,
If only just by believing we could be.
And with that on the tip of my tongue,
I’d write the poem of my life.

And when you turn and say, its not what it looks like I swear,
I’d say, I know, you don’t have to explain,
But trust me, I’m a writer so what I’m thinking is probably ten times worse than it actually is,
But I like my story better,
Because it involves you and your small, well.
And with that on the tip of my tongue,
I’d write one about rejection.

But I’d stand victorious, stand tall,
Yet never taller than you, not that I could if I tried.

I could be a poet, I’d tell myself,
Its only rhyming words.
And then I realized its more like being that bird,
Constantly moving, constantly trying,
Just to find a home.
And that’s all I’m trying to do,
Find a home, for my words,
So that instead of being in here,
They can be out here instead.

Today was a hard day…

‘It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are’ – E.E Cummings

Today I decided that I was going to start sorting through my things, in preparation for university so as to not have to spend last frantic minutes deciding what I was going to take and what I was going to give away or put into storage. Stupidly, I started with my book cupboard. A mistake I should have really foreseen. The problem being is that like most avid book readers, I tend to keep my books, a book collector if you will. This had become a problem because I have far too many books, around 117 and that was after I’d chosen some to throw out, and by some I mean about five. The point I guess I’m trying to make is that more often than not, the collection of books people have, may sometimes in itself portray the story of someone’s life.

The deeper into the book cupboard I got, the further back I was going until I could go no further than ‘Peter rabbit’ and my collection of ‘ Winnie the Pooh’. I suppose it made me simply nostalgic, for when times were simple and easier. Books have a funny way of taking a complicated world and making it easier. Books became my solitude, my safe place, my home. As I looked on, I found books that influenced who I am today, books of fairy tales, Harry Potter and the adventures in Narnia. These, to name a few, helped me to become who I am, influenced the beliefs I have today and gave me some of the best days of my life. Further still and I found the books I typically read now, vampire diaries and Sherlock Holmes, books that are influencing the way I write today, Sherlock Holmes for example influenced the crime fiction novel I am currently in the process of writing.


For a long time, books were the only friends I had, were the only ‘homes’ I ever felt like entering. In the dark time, I would pick up a book, and that would be all the light I needed. Characters that were perhaps too lifelike, became my best friends, there whenever I needed them, with I guess, always just the right words to say. They become a source of comfort that I’ve yet to find someone else can give me. They became something I could hide behind, metaphorically yes, but also in reality, because no one like to disturb a girl that’s reading.


My point is that, my books are like a piece of me and today I found it hard throwing small pieces of myself away. I suppose all people need to grow and evolve, so perhaps it will be a brilliant thing, because it will have made way for new books and new adventures to have, yet at the same time, I can’t help but feel a little homesick at the loss of some places that I may never get to visit again.


The Very Great Gatsby.

‘No amount of fire or freshness can challenge what a man will store up in his ghostly heart’ – Nick Carraway.

‘The Great Gatsby’ has obviously gained much attention in these past few months, probably because it deserves it, however as I have yet to bring myself to see it, I am, as Nick would say perhaps ‘reserving judgement’ to an extent. After studying ‘Gatsby’ last year as part of my AS English course, I bitterly hated it and all it stood for and represented. But, a much more wiser version of myself decided to read it again after watching John Greens video on it. (If you want to watch it – Click here!)

To my amazement, I found myself falling unmistakably more in love with the novel with each page I turned. With so much powerful emotions running through the course of the book, I found myself laughing along with Daisy, spectating with the party guests and crying at Nicks ending. (Spoiler – Gatsby dies!) For those who don’t know ‘Gatsby’ is written from Nick Carraway’s point of view, while I’ve heard in endless conversations and reviews that ‘Nick annoys them to no end’, I on the other hand, found myself in Nick in regards to Gatsby, as much as I was supposedly supposed to find Gatsby as every bit as trivial as the party guests did or be every bit as skeptical as Tom, I found myself sympathizing with Gatsby in ways I hadn’t previously before. Gatsby is a being so unbelievably powered by love, he builds his life around what he feels the love of his life will enjoy years later after she last saw him and in fact married. Gatsby is so blinded by this ‘green light’ of hope, this ‘green light’ he so much believes in, he takes the fall for his love which in turn results in his death. This in so many ways makes us view Gatsby as a tragic figure, but I believe it in fact simply makes him ‘Great’. Gatsby wasn’t tragic, because he had love and it was with this love that did unfortunately lead to his demise. But Gatsby had hope, something that the people reading Fitzgerald’s books in the years that followed, may sometimes have failed to find, a main example being the people of the Great Depression to which ‘Gatsby’ reads almost like a prophecy.

What has this to do with the movie, I hear you say? Well, as stated, I haven’t in fact see it yet, however my worries comes from the trailers that I have seen. In the snippets I’ve seen, albeit a few, it seems to focus so solely on Daisy and Gatsby’s relationship and although it may be seen that this is the main storyline behind the entire book and thus the film, I to the contrary believe it is Gatsby’s burning love for Daisy, just like that burning ‘green light’ of hope, that is the real storyline and lesson portrayed in the book and thus should be how the film tell the story. While I commend the amazing soundtrack and the amazing cast, because really, they couldn’t have done better, I do worry that the true message of Gatsby’s undying love for Daisy and him dying for her, in turn showing said undying love will not be portrayed enough throughout the film. It is perhaps too much glitz and glamour that has been portrayed in the trailers that has given this impression, that being said, it is the same glitz and glamour that has made me dubious about seeing the film in its entirety. (For the trailer – Click here!)

For people who haven’t read the book, I hope they will after seeing the film and to those that have, I hope it does not disappoint. However, all I really want, is for people to see that in someways perhaps, Gatsby really was great.


End of An Era!

So, it finally happened. I finished school and while i should be ecstatic and jumping for joy, honestly, i cant stand the thought of not having anything to do for the next few months. Waiting for results is going to be agony! But as I looked at the big picture, I realized time off may be good for me, I can finally finish the novel I started just before my exams, I can finally paint my room after wanting to for the past year or so, I finally have the time to give blood which I’ve wanted to do since I signed up to do so summer last year! While it really is the end of an era, leaving a school that has practically been my life for the last 6 and a half years, leaving my very best friend in the entire world, I’m journeying into the great wide world with nothing but the rucksack on my back filled with books and an Ipod, and I guess, I kinda can’t really wait.

This is me, trying to start a blog,

This is me, trying to start a blog, a real one.
This is me, attempting to write my feelings down and not fall apart.
This is me, showing the world that I am not perfect nor will I ever be.
This is me, trying to inspire someone. Help someone fell less alone.
This is me, pouring my heart out on this page, each word analysed, once, twice, to make sure they’re right.
This, this is me.